Campus is characterized with relationship and courtship among the students. The relationship which could be for a purpose and a courtship which could eventually develop into a marriage will be discussed in this article.
Some serious relationships on campus develop into marriage, I have seen students whose affairs started in school and they finally got married. It is so heart warming to see students’ relationships transform into exchange of marital vows. This is an indication that all is not lost, considering the fact that many students’ relationships are characterized by infidelity, infatuation and wrong moral values.
The campus is actually a place to prepare for marriage and preparing for marriage is not all about looking for Mr. Right or Miss. Right. It is about being the right person. As it currently stands, the relationship between matured men and matured ladies seriously desiring a spouse can be likened to that of man and the snake. The man is afraid of the snake and the snake is afraid of the man. Many female students are not interested in mere boyfriend-girlfriend relationships; they desire something that could translate into marriage. But such ladies are afraid when they see the way boys treat and cheat on their girlfriends.
As you live your life on campus, you don’t know who is watching you. This world is a small place. I was pleasantly surprised two years ago when one of my female students walked into my office to invite me to her wedding. I was surprised because by human calculation, she would be the last person to be spotted by a man. She was quiet, shy, always alone and dressed like a Reverend Sister in the convent. I asked her when and how the relationship started that it was blossoming into marriage this soon. She said one or her coursemates had been “disturbing” her that he has an elder brother that he would want her to meet.
She finally succumbed to her coursemate’s pressure and met with his brother, a relationship developed, and now they are happily married. If this lady’s character and reputation on campus were questionable, do you think that this boy would desire to have her as a sister-in-law? Courtship is the period that two persons who have agreed to get married later in life study each other to see whether they are compatible or not.
If you must enter into courtship with anybody on campus, the following suggestions are made:
1.Discuss the matter with your parents.
“Should the opinion of the people who brought you into this world not be considered before you finally decide who to marry? I have come across many ladies on campus who are in courtship without their parent’s knowledge.
Recently, I rebuked a lady living with me because I discovered she was into a courtship yet neither I nor my wife was informed. This is a girl that calls me Daddy and my wife Mummy. So I told her, you call me Daddy, yet you don’t trust me enough to inform me that you have agreed to marry someone.
2.will you be ready to wait?
considering the socioeconomics factors outside the campus? Patiently wait for the boy to undergo the complete metamorphosis to a man As they say; marriage is for men, not for boys.
There are several types of relationships on campus and the reasons students enter into such relationships alsovary.
On campus, just like in the jungle, it’s survival of the fittest. Living things in the ecosystem enter into association for the purpose of thriving and reproducing. As long as these objectives are accomplished within the association, the organism is okay. Every type of relationship on campus therefore has a purpose for which the two or more persons involved established it. Using ecological terms, these relationships can be described as mutualism, Commensalism or parasitism. All relationships on campus fall into these broad categories.
This is the situation where the two or more people involved have mutual interest both in principles and in
practice. Most relationships on campus operate within this Concept. The partners in the relationship benefit from each other in one way or the other. They support and help each otner survive on campus. This support and help may come in various forms ranging from financial, academic and emotional to psychological help.
Commensalism on the other hand is a situation where one partner benefits from the relationship but the other partner is neither harmed nor benefits from the relationship. This type of partnership Is also very common on campus.
The line dividing mutualism and commensalism on campus is very thin. Most commenonsal relationships start out as mutual friendship but along the line a partner’s mission and interest in the relationship changes. This is the type of relationship or friendship where your friend is not adding any value to your life.
This is the situation where only one partner benefits from the relationship to the emotional, financial, and academic detriment of the other. This type of relationship mày also start as mutual friendship but later one partner begins to exploit the other after winning his or her confidence and trust.
It is only if you have been the victim of a parasitic relationship on campus that you will understand the point being made here. That friend wno shows up only when he/she needs something from you an when he/she has emotional, psychological and financial needs you can meet is a parasite.
Before you enter into any relationship on campus you need to pause and ask yourself these questions:
1.Why am I getting involved with this person?
2.What value will I add to his or her life and vise Vasa?
3.will this friendship make me a better person or will pollute and compromise my personality?
Do not underestimate the damage a bad friend can cause in your lite. On campus, you have to choose your friends carefully. It is easier for somebody down stairs to pull somebody down from upstairs than the other way round. So it is easier for someone with loose morals to negatively affect and influence someone with good morals. On campus, it is much easier to copy a bad habit than to copy a good habit. Actually, your friends are a reflection of who you are. Remember, birds of the same feather flock together.
The reasons students get into relationships on campus vary. They cannot be fully exhausted but we will list these few.
1. Academic Purposes: The reason for this type of relationship is purely academic. Students who are academically inclined have reading partners with whom they can share experiences and study together. I have always encouraged this type of partnership where a student with academic challenges locates another student who helps him or her. I have discovered that there are many things students understand better if explained by a fellow student. If you know that you are weak academically, it is always better to have friends that can help you improve. Unfortunately, some students do not enter into this partnership until examination time when they begin to form ECOWAS (Examination Cooperation of Weak and Average Students).
2.Protection: The insecurity on campus sometime pushes students into relationships for protection purposes. This is one of the enticements of cultism Unfortunately, while cultism promises protection, it makes you more vulnerable to attack.
On the other hand, you will find situations on campus where a lady agrees to befriend a guy just to ward off other suitors or so that he can defend her whenever the need arises. As they say; on campus, iť’s survival of the fittest. Therefore, any alliance you can enter into to guarantee your survival, as long as it doesn’t land you into trouble, is partof the survival instinct.
3.Materialistic Purposes: Some relationships on for survival like food, clothing, accommor nodation, books etc. campus are for sharing of things that are ree sary The idea of sharing is inevitable on campus because at one time or the other, you will need something which is not readily available to you but Someone else has and he or she may be willing to share with you. As the lyric of that good old song say;”we all need somebody to lean on”.
Though the types and reasons for campus relationships are Complex and may vary based on the individuals involved, relationships constitute one of the phenomena you can control on campus. Your choice of friends on campus could make or mar your life. While you could have friends that will bring out the best in you, you may also have friends that will complicate your life and Corrupt your good manners. You may come across friends that could build you up and you may also come across others who could wreck you. The choice is yours.
Are your friends using or exploiting yo and adding no value to your life You have a choice to continue to be used and exploited or to take your destiny into you own hands for good, for;